Attitude

I know they say victims of narcissistic abuse tend to have PTSD. I have this. I also know that some of the side effects if you will call a mad, of PTSD are abrasiveness slash and some anger issues. I don’t know that I’m an angry person per se, however I find myself not want to take any shit from anybody. Regardless of who they are what they are or any other element of that.
Case in point. My family and I pulled up to the gas station this morning and my wife and daughter went in to get some snacks for a parade. The guy in the car next to me had tattoos all over his neck and arms, shaved head, sunglasses on and was staring at me.  He caught my eye and I end up staring back at him. He was smoking a cigarette and just stared me down. I have no fucking clue why he was staring at me.

This immediately triggered me and pissed me off and I stared right back at him and I asked him what the fuck you staring out. He started laughing and shak this immediately triggered me and pissed me off and I stared right back at him and I asked him what the fuck you staring out. He started laughing and shook his head will take another drag the cigarette. I want to walk over there and punch his fucking face in. I just kept thinking what balls he has a stare at me. Why was I like this? I can guarantee you I’m not anywhere near being a narcissist, but is it because getting out of that abuse and trauma situation turned me into this?  

Realistically this guy could’ve had a gun he could come over and logistically kicked my ass. I don’t really care. I don’t want him fucking staring at me.

I see a therapist once a week, and she’s amazing, but I’m still try to make a lot of sense out of what I’ve been feeling and so my behaviors lately. If anybody reads this may has maybe an answer as to why am like this please let me know. No judging, I need some answers, because this is not the way I was raised nor is it who I feel I really am. But at the same time I feel like anybody who looks at me or stares me down is about to get their ass kicked.

What does everybody think?

2 thoughts on “Attitude

  1. You stay in defense mode cuz you’re expecting it drop at any moment. Narcs are unpredictable with their storms so even when things are going well, it could still set them off. Could it be that you don’t wanna appear vulnerable to another person so you’re confrontational, letting them know upfront that you aren’t the won to F with?

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