Last night was awful. (Sigh)…here goes. I had an affair last July and Julia found out and things have not been the same. We’ve had a lot of ups but last night was a down. I cried but tried like hell to hold it in. Sobbing like a child on while sitting on the edge of the bed. It was at that time that I fell into a flashback with Sara. That triggered more years and self-hate.
This morning ever since I woke up I feel worthless. I have zero self-esteem today and am very depressed. On the way into work, I had to wait for a train and for a split second I considered walking in front of it.
I have no gas in my vehicle and were a few hundred in the hole. We have little food and can’t go to the shelf for another two weeks. We’re so far behind in bills were having things shut off. I’m not sure how to get through all this without acting out or ending it all.
I have my SAA group tonight and therapy tomorrow. I hope they can save me from myself