Why?  

***trigger warning***
Why must I be forced to see Sara? To be around her, to hear her shrill fucking voice?  To see her walk by, head held high wearing another new piece of clothing while  I sit here in shitty torn shorts and old tattered clothes?  Why?  Because she’s manipulated her way to this point. She’s walked on anyone and everyone she needed to to get here.

Sara has ruined this beautiful day for me simply by being here. Where’s here?  I’m at Adam’s baseball practice. It’s my parenting time, and she has to fucking show up with her douchebag boyfriend to cheer on her precious Adam. Yes, the same Adam who she strangles and suffocates when he doesn’t abide by her rules. The same Adam who has been emotionally beat down as much a scapegoat can be by Sara’s words for the past 7 years. Yet, she’s here cheering on “her baby”. Fucking makes me sick. It’s even more disgusting that everyone around her believes this shit. No one knows what she does to him behind closed doors. 

I sit here on the aluminum bleachers watching my son wave to his mom with a huge smile and wonder what the fuck?!  

A time or two she’s glanced over at me and smirked. Her greasy-ass boyfriend, or “partner” as she refers to him as, sits like a sack of shit next to her making sure he’s playing along. God knows he has to or there will be hell to pay when they get home. 

You see, I know this guy. No self-confidence, no self-esteem, no spine, never had a girlfriend at the wonderful age of 35 until Sara. To him, she’s beautiful, skinny, successful, a single mom who’s just trying to keep it all together since her husband left her for another woman. 

What she doesn’t know I know is this guy is a good guy realistically, BUT she emotionally destroys him on a daily basis. He’s spent time crying in the bedroom. She’s called him ALL the names she used to call me. “Fucking retard”, “piece of shit”, “mother-fucking asshole”, and the list goes on…  She’s assaulted him and degraded his sexuality to the point of having suicidal thoughts, but he stays and loves her. This I know.  Why??…

Because this happened to me for 12 years. And the guy after me, before this new dweeb. It’s a pattern that will never ever stop. I can honestly say I tried so hard to let this guy know what he was getting into only to be ignored. God rest his soul if he makes it farther than the previous boyfriend who DID try to commit suicide and nearly was successful until the police showed up and forced him out of the exhaust-filled garage. God rest his soul if he isn’t successful in swallowing an entire bottle of pills or running his car at nearly 100mph with no seatbelt and eyes closed, hands off the steering wheel, praying for the pain to stop. Two things I did when married to her. God help him get the hell away from her before he takes his life. 

Which brings me back to my initial question, why?  Why after all the shit she’s put me through do I have to sit here within a few feet of the demon what is Sara and subject myself to ongoing triggers and flashbacks?  My heart is aching and pounding, hands sweating and I want to run away. Why do I stay?  

Because of Adam. 

3 thoughts on “Why?  

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